As it is implied with the URL and title; I put it simply, honestly, and as pure to my character as it can get[: Enjoy.

 

Today on my way home, I passed a man selling papers. I decided to stop and buy one, a dollar wasn’t going to hurt. So, then I drive off, get home, and read the stories in this paper. As I read through them I got this overwhelming feeling that the guy selling the papers could really go for a warm drink. Considering today was so cold and windy, I knew he was cold even with a coat. So, I went to Starbucks, got the largest hot chocolate they had and took it to him. The thing that stuck with me after that, was his face. His expression of surprise and joy. And his voice. The voice of a man with a good heart. A honest man. A kind man. I kept thinking about all the things I take for granted. From the house I live in down, to having a toothbrush, and everything in between. This man, his reaction, and the paper I read had an impact on me. To think of others more and myself less. Give more. I have much more than I could ever need; when others don’t have anything more than one outfit and a cardboard box at night. It’s time to give to the people who really need it.

I was doing okay accepting it. Can’t I get him off my mind. out of my head. Mostly, out of my heart. He’s the only one I want. The only one I have ever wanted since I first saw him. When I am finally okay with not having him, he decided to text me. And I fall apart for him once more. 

Please don’t have asked to be friends again just to randomly leave, again. I can’t handle that.

Don’t expect me to be here all the time, to be sympathetic and understanding. I’m not the person you knew.

Don’t think I’m okay with getting close to people.And especially don’t think I’m going to wait around until you tell me that you do or do not need me. I won’t be waiting.

But if you want me around, act like it. If you’re not sure, forget me. If you don’t-I never existed.

Love is always patient and kind
it is never jealous

Love is never boastful nor conceded
it is never rude or selfish

It does not take offense
it is not resentful

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins
but delights in the truth

It is always ready to excuse
to trust
to hold
and to endure whatever comes

We All Bleed Red by Ronnie Dunn

It has taken me a long time to figure this out, even after being told time and time again, but it really is true when people say you can’t love others until you learn to love yourself. If you try to do it the other way around you end up letting others’ remarks bring you down and hurt you. I took a chance and walked away from just about all my friends. No hanging out. No talking. No texting. Nothing. I walked away from them to find myself. It was hard…it is hard. But the moment I began this journey, I saw a change. Things within the family got better…a lot better. Most of all though, I figured out that none of them ever really cared. They just let me leave. No questions asked.  No one tried to see me. Like I didn’t even exist, and that hurt like crazy. Yes, it hurt, but it was empowering to see the truth. To see it before I had to the hard way, down the road. I may be alone right now, but I will ALWAYS have myself and my family. And with that I have everything in the world that I need.

It’s crazy to think that it’s already May of 2012. That in one month, I’ll be considered a senior. Seems like just yesterday I was starting freshmen year and my sister her senior. Just yesterday, she and I were sitting in the apartment, playing with TY beanie babies and Build-A-Bears. As if we were just yesterday, living at our grandma’s, playing outside in the snow or playing with friends. Just yesterday, sitting in our Grandparent’s blue house, playing in the telephone booth, taking pictures on that huge porch, being read bed-time stories, getting our heights measured. But, that was along long time ago. The things I would give to have those moments back with my sister…those childhood moments back. The childhood innocence….. What I would give.

Don’t waste your time on something you’re not passionate about. It’s pointless and you won’t gain anything from it.

What do you do?

What do you do when someone says they do not care? What do you do when they leave you with the lingering words of “I don’t care about you, anymore.”? Where do you go from there? You go to a place that is far off, but full of lessons. You go to a place where saying “I don’t care.” is unacceptable. You learned how much those three little words hurt. So you go to a place where you can neither hurt nor be hurt. A place where they do not exist to you anymore.

Love is always patient and kind
it is never jealous

Love is never boastful nor conceded
it is never rude or selfish

It does not take offense
it is not resentful

Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins
but delights in the truth

It is always ready to excuse
to trust
to hold
and to endure whatever comes
-A Walk to Remember

High expectations are the key to everything.
-Sam Walton

In reference to my article How to Save A Life

In reference to my article How to Save A Life

Respect

It does not matter if you know the person or not, never let someone disrespect you or your family. Even at that, do not let your own family disrespect you. Stand up for yourself. Tell them to stop walking all over you. Tell them not to blame you for their fuck ups, for the things they do not want to own up to or take responsibility for. Never allow someone to make you feel like you did something wrong, when in your heart and soul you know you did nothing wrong. When you know that you did everything in your power to help, keep that in mind and do not forget it. Do not be scared to tell them the truth. Tell them how it really is, and do not be scared of hurting them.

It does not matter who it is that disrespected you, you need to let them know that you are not their “bitch”. That you are not here for them to take their anger out on, because they are unhappy with their choices. Tell them how you feel, do not hold it in. If you let them disrespect you, they will continue to. So tell them to stop as soon as it starts. If this means you must remove them from your life, then do it. You deserve respect. Every person deserves it. So when you get it, handle it responsibly. If you seek respect from someone, you must give them respect too. Practice what you preach.

Free as a Bird

I wish I were a bird. No worries except to find food and build a nest. So free and beautiful. Yet, mysterious. Able to go where they please, when they please.  Feel the breeze and warmth-rain and chilliness, but escape extremes if they wish. See every piece of Earth from the most spectacular views. Fly high to get away from the world or low to interact with it. Birds are as free as it comes…so free.

maybe, just maybe

I wish they would get over their huge ego and realize that they are wrong. Realize that this was everything they needed and it was given to them, and it’s all they will ever need. That this Love that is being handed to them is as strong as it will ever be. and that maybe, just maybe, it’s exactly what they’re looking for, but they don’t want to admit this truth. They have allowed and continue to allow their huge ego to blind them. Causing hurt to many, but mainly to themselves.